The day I realized that I needed help was on February 17, 2023
I arrived home after another 16-hour day at work to the routine mess in my life – lies, betrayal, and overwhelming hopelessness that comes with living with addiction and the enemy all around me.
Although I was still clean, others in my household were still using all around me. I heard the same whisper I heard a year after getting sober when I was diagnosed with leukemia: “See, there is no point in getting sober.” I found myself a year after my momma’s death and 2 years since I graduated from drug court still miserable. I looked around and realized I wasn’t living. I was barely surviving, and that hit me hard. I fell to my knees and begged God to save me from the chains of addiction. Two weeks later, I was arrested. They offered me a 20-year do 10 sentence for charges I obtained not of my own accord. This was more proof that being sober just wasn’t enough to make it all better.
I am the oldest of four. I have two brothers and one sister. I didn’t know that my family was dysfunctional; I thought our lives were normal. We were raised with a lot of loud music and yelling and an alcoholic father who abused my mother regularly. My life has been exposed to abuse on all levels: emotional, physical, and sexual. I was taught at a young age to lie to cover up family secrets. I am the byproduct of disassociation from surviving my own secrets. I have a lot of negative core beliefs about myself because of my childhood. I have felt like a complete failure for most of my life.
I have looked in all the wrong places in search of love and feeling whole. I tried money, people pleasing, overachieving, relocating, toxic relationships, and finally, I turned to drugs, which led me into years of addiction. This path took me down the darkest roads in my life. It wasn’t until I found Christ that I radically changed.
Being at the Rescue Mission has impacted every area of my life. My life-long struggles with inadequacy are vanishing as they teach me my value through my identity in Christ. I arrived here as a bitter and hopeless person, but now I have joy and gratitude in my heart. Relationships are born anew in the comradery and love I have found here. Recent bloodwork came back negative for lumeric cells; I am literally being healed from the inside out. My doctors are in shock and have no explanation of my cancer-free results.
The Rescue Mission has partnered with Hartley Bridge Dentistry to give me back my smile after 8 long years without it. Since being here, I have experienced restoration of my mind, body, and soul. I am learning to trust God with every situation in my life.
Matthew 6:33 “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all other things will be added onto you.”
Finally, I can truly say I do not wish to change my past or shut its door because it brought me here. I am forever grateful to the Rescue Mission for nurturing my most important relationship, my salvation in Jesus Christ. I have learned that I am strong and courageous, not because of my own ability but because the Lord goes with me. The beauty of me is Him in me. I am redeemed, chosen, and loved. My Father wants me, and His plans for my life are good. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”. Philippians 4:13.
I am passionate about helping people and pray that God will use me this way after I graduate from the program. I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me and my future!
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